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Posts Tagged ‘Top Three’

Dear Bearded Men:

I love you. Every single one of you, apparently. And that, in fact, was news to me.

I was at a club with my friend Clair not too long ago, fangirling over one of the hairy members of the band that had just played — mostly because I was having a great time out and loved their music.

He thought I was hitting on him. I think Clair did too. (I told you: I’m a Golden Retriever when I like someone’s work.) She said, “Ah she just loves tall men with beards.”

I paused. I was about to disagree, then I thought, “Oh. That’s actually true.” I had never really identified that as a thing for me before.

And then I remembered that time when I nearly cried when my BFF Royce shaved off his glorious mustache and goatee.

Even married straight men could not get enough of The Royce’s furry face.

So, yeah. Clair had me pegged.

At my son’s baseball game Saturday, I complimented a fellow mom’s date:

Me: “Your beard is lovely — quite lush.”

Him: “Thank you!”

Me to the beard’s lady: “I love beards. I’ve been begging Eddie to grow his back, but he complains that he doesn’t have the connection or anything beyond the chin area. I told him that’s the same for Johnny Depp but he doesn’t care, nor do the thousands of women who love him.”

Beard’s lady: “I know that’s right.”

Going back to Clair’s comment, I want to point out that the owner of the beard doesn’t have to be tall. Johnny Depp is 5’10”.

Beards hide all kinds of things: weak chins, thin lips, acne scars, a mole shaped like China, etc. (Note that women do not have this option. We have only makeup and plastic surgery. And the distraction of boobs, where applicable.)

So, in honor of Man Crush Monday, and my own particular fetish, feast your eyes on this collection of hot men — some famous, some friends, some with full facial hair, some with just scruff (in first-name alphabetical because I am Monica):

 

Also, I realized while compiling this that I totally have a type. (Yeah, I know. Some things are not immediately obvious to ourselves. Like a beard fixation in general.)

Anyway, I raise my glass to you hirsute hotties. Keep on growing!

Your not-so-secret admirer,
Beth

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Dear Tom Hiddleston,

Oh, hey! So … I didn’t see you there, what with all the other “it” guys. It’s hard to notice Loki with Thor and Iron Man and Hulk around.

But yeah, then “Crimson Peak” happened. And um … wow. So, I had to, well, write this letter.

When you as Baronet Sharpe looked at Edith (Mia Wasikowska) for the first time, I was all, “Hey, his eyes are kind of … piercing.”

Then when you leaned her back in the attic with a powerful kiss, I thought, “Oh. My!”

And then when you two consummated your marriage — your Victorian man breeches slipping down to expose a delectable derrière, I had to fan myself with my empty nacho tray.

So, yeah.

I’m not the only one who got the vapors. Bustle writers did too.

I just wanted to say thanks for opening up the field for me. Clearly I was loitering too long in Johnny Depp/Blake Shelton land.

Love and hot gothic romance kisses,
Beth

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More beefcake? Yes, please.

Dear Joe Manganiello,

I owe you an apology. I’m so sorry that I didn’t notice you earlier. I guess I was preoccupied. But thanks to Entertainment Weekly‘s relentless coverage of “Magic Mike” and “True Blood,” I’m now paying attention. Close attention.

Hello, Joe!

I see from IMDb that you’ve been working for some time. Unfortunately for me, I don’t watch “One Tree Hill,” “How I Met Your Mother” and “True Blood.” Eddie is the “True Blood” fan in the family. “Who’s Eddie?” you ask. My husband. Yes, I’m married — married, but not dead. (He’s hot too, by the way. I have good taste.)

Anyway, thank you for spending countless hours at the gym to make yourself memorable. Thank you for constantly removing your shirt to show off the results of your hard work. And thank you for wearing leather and other supple fabrics. And crawling around in the woods.

Here’s to a new season of “True Blood” (starting tomorrow) and to the forthcoming “Magic Mike” (June 29). I’ll be paying attention from now on.

Love and kisses,
Beth

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