Posts Tagged ‘Sports’

Like this, but not as hairy

Elusive creature spotted at community park
From Staff Reports*

BROOKHAVEN, Ga. — A group that claims to track the mythic beast known as “Teenager” through the streets of Atlanta says they finally spotted the creature over the weekend in Dekalb County.

According to the group, the sighting occurred around 3 p.m. Saturday afternoon at Murphey Candler Park.

A woman named Beth said the creature made its presence known after she and fellow group members set up iPhones preloaded with Fortnite at various locations in an apparent attempt to lure the Teenager in.

“The angle of the sun was shining straight down on the seats on the Major Field and something big stepped into view,” Beth said. “I lifted my sunglasses to see better, and I saw a large bipedal animal covered in peach fuzz and ill-fitting clothes. It took one step into the stands, (then) I took off running toward it.”

The woman said that she and fellow Teenager trackers proceeded to follow what they claim was a large creature marginally recognized by modern science around the field to the concession stand.

“Its face was barely washed with no hair on it,” she said. “Its hands and feet were enormous. It was wearing clothes that looked way too big, but that is apparently the style among these creatures.”

Though not social, the creature did take extreme interest in the iPhone and was willing to sit near humans in the stands of the Major Field for moments at a time. Though it did not speak, the beast did grunt occasionally in response to stimuli.

*Credit/apologies to Travis Hall and Blue Ridge Outdoors for the words I liberally changed.


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Dear Fellow Thrashers**:

Y’all are the best. I joined the volleyball league to meet new people and have fun, and it’s working!

Last night was a little heartbreaking — good volleys but we couldn’t pull through in the clutch.

And right now I hear my other friends gasping in shock. Yes, believe it: I joined a volleyball league. (Waves hands in front of the faces of the passed out; shouts, “Give them some room!”)

Yeah, I know I’m not the sporty one in the family. I’m not particularly coordinated. I’m usually on the sidelines (unless flag football is involved, and then I’m a she devil [Right Chris and Linda?]).

But last night, two out of my three immediate family members came to watch me play. And I had the night of my life.

We still lost all three matches, but it was close, and I don’t care.

I turned as red as Will Ferrell as Lucifer.

I happily iced my arm.

Yes, that is an ice pack shaped like a cherry Life Saver. It fits perfectly on the painful spot on my wrist.

I wore the last bruise like a badge of honor.

Sexy, I know.

And I’m happy. So thanks. Love you all!

See you next week,

* Thank God for Thursdays

** AKA “Trashers” (We did not pick the name.)

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A rant about rants

I’m a little out of my element with this post, but clearly I’m moved enough to write.

University of New Mexico soccer player Elizabeth Lambert was suspended indefinitely for her unsportsmanlike conduct in a semifinal game against Brigham Young University.

Before Friday morning, I had never heard of this person. Today, I can’t think of anything else. Thanks, ESPN.

What was missing from the coverage Friday morning was the coach’s reaction and the college’s reaction. That response finally came Friday afternoon. As expected, Lambert apologized, and claimed, all Serena Williams-style, that she lost control in a heated moment. The full apology is posted on the college’s Web site, but here is one part:

This is in no way indicative of my character or the soccer player that I am.

Hmmm. This is the player whom the media guide praises for being “fearless when making a challenge.” The player whom head coach Kit Vela calls “fiery” on Lobo TV.

I think they liked her attitude and encouraged it. That’s the sports culture. Win at all costs. Here is a highlight reel of her actions in the BYU game.

UNM Vice President for Athletics Paul Krebs said, “There is no way to defend her actions.” But I’m willing to bet she’ll be back at it again when the spotlight is off and she is back on the field.

And that brings up a larger question of what has she learned. What has anyone learned? This kind of stuff happens all the time. It is our culture of rage where the angry cross some line (finally), apologize (sincerely or not), and then continue with their healthy careers. John McEnroe, Barry Bonds, Rasheed Wallace, Tony Stewart … the list goes on and on.

Inappropriate behavior, apology, more inappropriate behavior. Lather, rinse, repeat. It makes my head hurt.

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