Posts Tagged ‘Spanish’

I love this résumé on Craig’s List and I don’t care if it is real or not, or how old it is (2008). Warning: It is quite profane.

Here’s my less profane (and therefore less funny) non-work version of my résumé:

Résumé of Dubious Achievements

OBJECTIVE: Finish my freakin’ dissertation already and get my life back!


  • Commented on my boss’ crazy hair. (I don’t remember doing this, but he swears I did.)
  • Used “meh” to describe students’ work. Repeatedly.
  • Gone ballistic over mistakes in printed materials (much to the joy of most of the people reading this blog).
  • Chosen to watch “Jersey Shore” instead of getting much-needed sleep.
  • Cleaned my kids’ faces with my own saliva. (Vile, I know, but there it is.)
  • Watched “Tommy Boy,” Napoleon Dynamite,” “Grease” and “Pulp Fiction” many, many times (too many times to count).
  • Watched “Transformers” and “Iron Man” while pretending it was because the boys wanted to watch. (We all know how I feel about Shia LaBeouf and Robert Downey Jr.)
  • Fed my children peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for dinner.
  • Laughed at “iCarly.”
  • Planned an outfit around a necklace or pair of shoes.


  • Maintained this blog for more than a year.
  • Gotten out of bed on these recent frigid days.
  • Refrained from punching my mother-in-law.
  • Endured guest lectures that seemed interesting on paper, but were executed in the most boring, soul-sucking way possible.
  • Watched the George Clooney version of Batman. (Shudder.)
  • Pretended to be interested in Duke basketball.
  • Arranged a repair date for our recalled washer.
  • Created a brachiosaurus out of patterned paper. (Origami does not come naturally to me.)
  • Remembered to give Mona her heartworm pill this month.
  • Flossed regularly.


  • Making lasagna, gyoza, potato and leek soup, and pumpkin pie.
  • Getting the boys dressed in five minutes.
  • Beating my hair into submission in about that same amount of time.
  • Butchering complex concepts in Spanish (fourth-grade level = fine).
  • Going to the gym even though I hate its guts.
  • Refusing to balance my checkbook.
  • Planning our next vacation.
  • Dreaming about winning the lottery.
  • Not wearing plaid.
  • Microsoft Office and Quark.

References available upon request.


Read Full Post »

I could give Rachael Ray a run for her money. I’ve baked four different kinds of cookies over the past two days.

Gingerbread, Hamantaschen, Peanut Butter Munchies and Snow-caps

The pumpkin pie is in the oven, and I plan to make empanadas for dinner. The pernil al horno for tomorrow is rolling around in special spices in the refrigerator. I might make some Christmas bark this afternoon.

The boys are on their best behavior, naturally, although they are so excited they can barely stand it. I did have to threaten to use the special Parent Hotline to Santa yesterday, though.

I finished wrapping all the presents last night. There may not be much, but we chose each gift with care. I may be as excited about tomorrow as they are!

It really is the most wonderful time of the year. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Rapturous Festivus and Joyous Kwanzaa to all!

Read Full Post »

The University of South Carolina requires proficiency in a “foreign” language for those who wish to pursue a Ph.D. It isn’t like we have to use it in our research, but it exists among the many requirements for the doctoral degree.

In April, I decided to get the language proficiency exam out of the way. I speak Spanish with Eddie and his family, so I wasn’t particularly worried. That attitude cost me dearly.

What I assumed would be a conversational Spanish exam turned out to be a translation nightmare from the bowels of Hell: Translate in one hour a 500-word passage about the history of journalism from the time of Julius Caesar. Um, I don’t usually talk about the “foro romano” with my mother-in-law. What is worse is that I only had a very wee Spanish-English dictionary. So that didn’t go well.

Later I found out it is a scam. They want you to fail so that you have to pay for and pass the class. On principle, I refused to take the class. Instead, I bought a larger dictionary and vowed vengeance.

Spanish-English dictionaries

Before (left) and after (right)

I took the exam again on Oct. 21. Though I had studied up on my Roman history in preparation, they had a new passage for me to translate. It was a forward to a contemporary collection of essays about journalism. I breezed right on through.

Today I received notice in a mass e-mail that I passed:

Recipients  of this message  have PASSED the Spanish Reading Exam. Congratulations.  Please respond  to this e-mail to acknowledge receipt of this mail and include again the name of the faculty member to whom I should send the letter for your file.

Y había mucho júbilo.

Read Full Post »