Posts Tagged ‘Parasites’

2012 in review

Dear Sickos Like Me:

Thank you. It is because of you that certain posts on my blog continue to earn attention. For the second year in a row, parasites and rednecks continue to be the main attractions, according to my WordPress annual report. Search termsThat sounds about right.

In fact, I’m about due for another procrastination post like this one or this one. (WARNING: disturbing images!)

There’s a small problem, though, as evidenced by these stats:

Top posts

The top posts have nothing in common with each other. So the people who come looking for rednecks are probably not the ones who look for parasites. I could be wrong. There could be people out there with the same odd interests I have.

WordPress suggests I write about these topics again. Maybe. I guess you can never have enough parasite posts. You sickos like me would like that, wouldn’t you?

So, just for you, here is something super awful for you to enjoy:

intestinal schistosomiasisTo quote from “The Princess Bride,” “Dear God, what is that thing?” That, my fellow freaks, is a Brazilian man afflicted with “intestinal schistosomiasis leading to portal hypertension and splenic sequestration.”

In layman’s terms, he is suffering from an infection with a type of Schistosoma parasite that led to high blood pressure in his portal vein system and enlargement of the spleen.



P.S. If you want to read the rest of my WordPress annual report, scroll down for the link:

4,329 films were submitted to the 2012 Cannes Film Festival. This blog had 36,000 views in 2012. If each view were a film, this blog would power eight film festivals.

Click here to see the complete report.


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About 400 people have linked, emailed, tweeted or otherwise made me aware of this cartoon:

I love the cartoon, and I love that people thought (think) of me when they saw (see) it.

(That’s indeed how I feel on a regular basis.)

While most of my friends and family know me as the grammar guru, the Internet thinks I’m a different kind of freak. Just look at the search terms people used that led them to my blog.

Finding me via “parasites” and other such terms makes sense because of my “Procrastination by parasite” post.

And “rednecks” also makes sense because of my frequent posts about the “Redneck Games.”

“Butterfly McQueen” and “antithesis” led searchers to posts about rhetorical devices.

I can even explain “std in the mouth” because I admitted in the procrastination post that my leap into the information vortex includes viewing images of “STD outbreaks” and “meth mouth.”

The last term is inexplicable on many levels: Who uses “inhumans wallpaper” as a search term? Why did the search engine pick me? What did searchers really want?

Not someone who likes to talk about grammar, for sure.

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Procrastination takes many forms. With me, it takes the form of a dive into the information vortex.

Specifically, a vortex swirling with images of bed bug-infested mattresses, STD outbreaks, Meth Mouth and bad plastic surgery.

This week’s topic is (drumroll, please) Awful Parasites. (Yes, I do love the show “Monsters Inside Me.”) Here are my favorite horrible kinds:

  • Human Bot Fly, native to South America and parts of North America
  • The Filarial Worm, which completes its entire lifecycle inside its human host
  • Candiru, the “toothpick fish” attracted to urea. Guess where you find urea? Bad news for the fellas. The following image shows one just removed from a poor guy’s (ahem) parts.
  • The Guinea Worm, contracted by drinking contaminated water in South Asia and Africa
  • Cymothoa exigua, or the tongue-eating louse, which, unlike the above, is not a human parasite. This creature attacks fish by going in through the gills, attaching to the tongue, and extracting the blood so that the tongue atrophies. Then the parasite acts as the fish’s tongue. Shudder.

Now I feel all gross and itchy, but I’ve succeeded in wasting plenty of time. Enjoy!

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