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Posts Tagged ‘Hell’

Dear Mitt Romney,

It’s apparently sweater weather in hell, as I have suddenly developed a bit of affection for you. In fact, I retweeted you last night.

screen-shot-2016-09-27-at-3-07-22-pm

And I don’t even think it was just debate delirium.

I wasn’t a huge fan of yours back in 2012. At the time, I thought of you as a used-car-style smarmy salesman peddling elitism (evidenced succinctly by that 47 percent comment).

Time and Trump have a way of changing minds.

You are like an ill-fitting prom dress that suddenly doesn’t seem so bad. “Maybe I can take it in here … and here … and dye it … “

Here’s a roundup from Forbes on Nov. 7, 2012, of why you lost that election. Nothing has changed since 2016 except Trump made it OK to be loud and proud about being racist (and misogynistic and xenophobic).

screen-shot-2016-09-27-at-3-37-20-pm

You clearly don’t like the GOP’s 2016 nominee. Isn’t there something you can do from the inside to bring the party back to its original values? Remember that the party of Lincoln touted “Free Speech. Free Press. Free Soil. Free Men.” (1856) and equal rights for all. Poppy Bush and supporters wanted a “Kinder, Gentler Nation” (1988).

I do too.

Awash in nostalgia (and ice skating on the River Styx),
Beth

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danteDear Dante Alighieri:

First off, let me say that I love your work. My favorite isThe Divine Comedy,” with particular love for the “Inferno” part. I am an orderly person, so I gravitate to categories. The nine circles of Hell speak to me and my Type A personality.

I went on a work trip last week, and I’d like to add people to the circles, if I may.

Candidate: People who meander in the middle of the airport concourse, weaving side to side and making it difficult to walk around them
Circle of Hell: First circle — limbo (or maybe the vestibule — land of the indecisive)

Candidate: That guy in the bar who won’t let you have a drink in peace
Circle of Hell:
Second circle — lust

Candidate: People who stand in the middle of the moving sidewalk when they clearly should move to the right to allow people to pass
Circle of Hell: Third circle — gluttony

Candidate: People who take up the airplane arm rest immediately upon sitting
Circle of Hell: Fourth circle — greed

Candidate: People who take up seats with their bags in the airport gate area and look at you sullenly if you dare to ask to sit
Circle of Hell: Fifth circle — anger

Candidate: People who put their feet on their airplane tray tables
Circle of Hell: Sixth circle — heresy (because EWW!)

Candidate: People who are unaware of the circumference of their backpacks
Circle of Hell: Seventh circle — violence

Candidate: People who try to get on the plane when their zone has not been called yet
Circle of Hell: Eighth circle — fraud

Candidate: The pilot who wants to tell you too much about the flight when you just want to watch the movie
Circle of Hell: Ninth circle — treachery [Listen, Captain: You do your job (flying), and I’ll do mine (resting).]

Like I said, I appreciate order. I need these people to get it together or go to (their circles of) Hell.

Thank you, Mr. Alighieri, for considering my suggestions.

(Wait … What’s that? I’m a candidate for at least three circles, you say? No … )

Yours in boiling blood and fire,
Beth

danteinfernoninecircles

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